Hidden Reasons for Exploding #Relationships
Have you ever wondered why everything you do seems to disappoint someone? Or why you keep choosing the same kind of wrong person to be in a relationship with? How about why you are sometimes triggered into an emotional reaction that seems over the top?
At one time or another in my life, I answered yes to all of the above. After writing Replacement Child, which entailed no small amount of soul searching and honest self-evaluation, I would suggest that you might want to look farther into your past–and your family history–than most people ever do. And, I’m talking about even with most professional counselors. I have been to my fair share of therapists over the years, marriage counselors mostly, who never once touched on the fact that my family suffered a tragic plane crash that killed my older sister. Since I brushed aside any thought that this family history could affect my present life, so did they. So, harboring the responsibility to live up to the promise of my killed sister didn’t come up. Or the self-identity issues that came with it. Not until I unearthed it myself by writing my story.
I would suggest that many people may have underlying “promises” that hinder their relationships and keep them from being their full self. Even something further back in your family history may be having an affect on your reactions and internalizations of situations. I think of my own son and how he will probably always have some impact on his personality and life from that long ago plane crash because of how my parenting was affected by it.
You may also wonder why a simple question from your spouse or partner may set you off–when they think it was innocuous. I always had an intense emotional response when my boyfriend or husband walked away in the middle of an argument, or turned away from me. Now I know that it was a deep memory of my father’s aloof coolness toward me.
Looking deeper into your own background, and farther back into your family history may turn up some surprising parallels for you if you are in the midst of a troubled relationship, or just trying to figure yourself out.