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Getting to Know My Mother

MomFav     0069_1Some of us get to know our mothers better after they have passed from this life, through writing about them. It can be one of the benefits of writing a memoir, that we gain a unique insight from mining our life experience through a writerly lens.

Writing, by necessity, makes us take notice of the details surrounding an event or a meaningful moment in our lives. Sometimes the writing helps us see the significance in a conversation, or the scar left by a parent’s action or inaction. This was certainly the case as I wrote the chapters for my memoir Replacement Child.… Read more

Still Here For Me

I haven’t written for quite awhile due to illness, which is such a waste of time! Right now I am still not sure my writing here will be coherent since I am still on pain meds, but it’s better than imagining the next worst thing that could happen–which I am prone to do. Maybe it’s my writerly self. Give your character an obstacle, they say, then try to imagine the very worst thing that could happen to them after that–then even worse. In the last 7 months my imagination couldn’t have held a candle to reality–but now things are better every day.… Read more

On #Replacement Child, Writing, and Hearing Your #Memoir Story

Wildflowers 2In the past week, I’ve been contacted by people who were touched by my book, Replacement Child, my writing here and on my Psychology Today blog. Some are replacement children, and we seem like long lost relatives when we compare notes. Some have had relatives who were challenged physically, or disfigured in some way. A brother, a father, a sister. Some are struggling to dig up memories that illuminate their own memoirs.

I am grateful for these connections for many reasons. First, for the growing community of replacement children that seems to be springing up like multi-colored wildflowers; distinctly separate but of the same seed.… Read more

A Psychoanalyst’s View of the Replacement Child

butterfliesRecently, I had the good fortune of speaking at length with psychoanalyst Kristina Schellinski about her in-depth work with replacement children in her practice.

Kristina Schellinski has an M.A. in Political Science and Literature. She worked for the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) in New York and Geneva from 1983-1998 and received her Diploma as Jungian Psychoanalyst and Psychotherapist from the C.G. Jung Institute in Zürich in 2002. She practices as a Jungian Analyst in Geneva, Switzerland. She is a training analyst and supervisor at ISAP (International School of Analytical Psychology), Zürich and a member of IAAP, AGAP, ASP and EAP, the Swiss and European Association of Psychotherapists, and a founding member of the Rencontres Jungiennes at Lavigny, Switzerland.… Read more

Lincoln’s Replacement Children

There is so much to talk about after seeing Lincoln this weekend, but since I have my Replacement Child lenses adjusted, I can’t help but focus on one scene in the film that touched on Lincoln as a husband and father.

In the scene we discover that Abe and Mary lost a child to illness as Abe rails at Mary for her extended grieving, and she in turn admonishes him for putting their oldest son, Robert, in harm’s way by allowing him to join the ranks of the Union soldiers.  When her grieving over the death of their son became too prolonged, in Lincoln’s view, he had apparently threatened Mary with having her committed to an asylum, (using the vernacular of the film). … Read more

Replacement Children You May Know

Last week we talked about the first reference to a replacement child in recorded history possibly being Seth (or Shet in Hebrew) who replaced Abel, who was killed by Cain. Talk about complicated family history. In Genesis 4:25, Eve refers to his birth:

“God has granted me other seed in place of Abel. . .”

And God said to Cain: (Genesis 4:10)

“The voice of your brother’s blood crieth unto Me from the ground.”

Interesting to note some of the other replacement children from history:

  • Solomon
  • Napoleon III
  • Ludwig van Beethoven
  • Vincent van Gogh
  • Salvador Dali
  • Rainer Maria Rilke
  • Sabina Spielrein
  • Françoise Dolto
  • Harriet Beecher Stowe
  • James Barrie (creator of Peter Pan)
  • Eugene O’Neill (my favorite playwright)
  • Carl Gustav Jung

I’m heartened to see that some of these replacement children are creative stars, and include some of my favorite artists.… Read more

Listed as #Great Read for Nook

Excited to see Replacement Child listed as a #Great Read by Barnes & Noble for Nook books. In the Top Ten for books under $5!

Hidden Reasons for Exploding #Relationships

Have you ever wondered why everything you do seems to disappoint someone? Or why you keep choosing the same kind of wrong person to be in a relationship with? How about why you are sometimes triggered into an emotional reaction that seems over the top?

At one time or another in my life, I answered yes to all of the above.  After writing Replacement Child, which entailed no small amount of soul searching and honest self-evaluation, I would suggest that you might want to look farther into your past–and your family history–than most people ever do.  And, I’m talking about even with most professional counselors. … Read more

Cover story for REPLACEMENT CHILD

Replacement Child is cover story

"The replacement child–a developmental tragedy"

SpringerLink – Journal Article.